Today on Britt Bakes, I bring you a delicious and simple recipe that I never make because I’m the kind of person who hates sticking her hands into a vat of raw meat and squishing it around to incorporate ingredients. It’s a shame, really, because I love sausage balls and I love sweet-and-sour meatballs and I especially love meatloaf… but making those things is disgusting.
You may be asking yourself then, “Self, if Britt hates mushing raw gunk together, what prompted her to create sausage balls this morning?”
The answer is this.
This beautiful creation is, as most of you rich folk already know, a KitchenAid stand mixture. It weighs approximately a thousand pounds and its motor can mix three hundred intact puppies into a puree in seconds. It is glorious and I don’t know where it’s been all my life. My only regret concerning my marriage to Canadian Bacon is that we didn’t have a huge wedding and reception so I could have put one of these on my registry. We need to get remarried so I can get one. Mine would be an obnoxious shade of blue. This one is not mine – my Meemaw got it for Ma for Christmas.
When my Aunt Karen called and asked what I was doing earlier, I told her I was using the KitchenAid. Then I proceeded to inform her that Ma was going to wake up, see it missing from the counter, go searching, and find me cuddled up in bed with it because I love it that much. Move over, Canadian Bacon and assorted cats, this has a new spot in my bed, next to my heart.
But back to making sausage balls. Any Southern girl knows the secret recipe – 3, 2, 1. That stands for 3 cups of Bisquick, 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese, and 1 pound of sausage. Also, one mason jar of sweet tea to drink while you assemble your ingredients. Because if you’re not drinking sweet tea when you’re throwing together a recipe that involves copious amounts of sausage and cheese, you’re just doing it wrong.
Then since you’re brand new to the wonderful world of KitchenAids, you study the manual to try to figure out what the proper mixer attachment is, and how fast you should turn it on. I figured it wouldn’t be the wire whip. Mom was betting on the dough hook, but I theorized that “meatloaf” and “biscuits” had a closer texture to sausage balls and it was firmly in the “paddle mixer” category.
You mix that shit together and roll out balls and toss it in the oven at 350 for 15-20 minutes and you have little delicious lumps of awesome. Not going to lie, after rolling out the balls and lying them painstakingly on a parchment-paper lined cookie sheet, I forgot to take a picture. Then when they came out of the oven, me and Ma and Canadian Bacon inhaled em too quickly to document the finished results. So all I have left for you is this,
3-2-1 Sausage Balls
3 cups baking mix
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 lb sausage
Throw all that shit in your KitchenAid, using the paddle, and turn it on 1. If you get a little excited and accidentally pop it straight on 3 because you’re brutal and don’t know your own strength when working the levers, squeal as cheese flies everywhere and let the dogs in to clean it up off the floor before anyone notices. Let mix until it looks fully incorporated and roll out into balls on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes. When they look firm they’re probably done. Don’t overbake or you’ll wind up with nasty scorched bottoms. Put the dogs back out so they don’t beg for the finished product. Eat and enjoy.