Truths About Recruiting

There is never an end to it.  Once you think no one else is leaving, wait two weeks and an emergency will pop up for someone – and you’re back on the hunt again.

You can never find what you’re looking for.  Need an ele shaman?  They don’t exist!  Three weeks later: need a hunter?  What’s a hunter?!  Have three thousand ele shaman applicants instead!

You find the perfect recruit.  If they don’t transfer then, 99% of the time you will log off and log back on only to be ninja-dropped from real id.

When you do have a new recruit, that’s the night your raid group will be derpy as hell.  You can breeze through 11/16H normally?  With a new recruit, you start wiping on the 4th boss, which you’ve farmed for months now.

And of course, beginning of xpac = people would kill their own mother for a chance to join you.  End of xpac = people would kill their own mother to have an excuse to not have to raid anymore.

I hate recruiting.


Working the AH to Level in MOP (Because I *HATE* Leveling)

My friend and fellow Jedi raider Obom clued me in to a trick he’d heard somewhere – once you start training your Pandaren cooking, and you do the first quest in each of the Ways, you can pick up the repeatable bundle of groceries quest in Halfhill and start turning in low cost cooking mats for Ironpaw tokens and experience.

I swear I wasn’t this bad at leveling back in Cata, guys – I blew through those zones and had multiple 85s.  But our half-hearted push to grab some RealmFirst! achievements at the beginning of MOP just destroyed me – my death knight hit 90 within 16 hours and I officially never wanted to level another toon ever again.  I still don’t.  But somehow I’ve made it to 88 on my priest and I really want to do some alt runs on her, so I think I might just buckle down and push through.  So here’s the great experiment I’m going to try today —

Right now my priest is sitting at lvl 88 with 4,905,376/22,880,000 experience.  She has 65,518 gold on her.  I am going to attempt to level through grocery bundle turn-ins and I am going to try to turn a profit by doing so.  Right now I can get a bundle of carp for 60g and a soy sauce is worth around 100g.  I’ll check back in later – maybe in a few days, based on how fast auctions go – to update on my final numbers after hitting 90.  I *may* run some dungeons during that time, but if I do I’ll calculate exp/gold earned there and remove that from the total value.

Let’s see what happens!

Edited to update:  Forgot, I also currently have 58 Ironpaw tokens.  I’m going to buy some shit with those and send them to my banker so they won’t inflate the numbers before I do anymore turn ins!

The Rules of Recruiting, Part One (Don’t Be A Dumbass)

One of the best and worst things about being a GM is recruiting.  It’s the best because you get to control who comes into your guild, and you can gather some real gems – people you develop deep friendships with that last years.  On the other hand though, recruiting is the worst because it really sucks.  When you do it right, it takes an inordinately long amount of time and a thankless amount of effort.

I tackle recruiting by doing my research, and by making it both professional and personal.  I have a multi-pronged strategy that includes the following steps –

  • Create my own advertisement for the WoW forums as well as the MMO-Champ forums
  • Ask guild members and other real id friends for referrals – do they know someone looking for a home who meets my criteria?
  • Search the WoWLemmings database – the best invention ever
  • Creep on potentials through WoWTrack to see if they’re guild hoppers, or if I potentially had dealings with them in the past
  • Find them listed on WoW-Heroes to easily locate their most recent World of Logs parses
  • Add them to real id AND/OR track them to their home server, make a toon, and send them an in-game mail
  • Bring them into vent to talk – I always do this with a couple of the raiders in the group I’m recruiting for so they can help screen potentials

So all of this is a lot of work, right?  Damn, I’m getting tired of just looking at it.  And this is why I get so super pissed when I find someone who wastes my time.  And now we get to the crux of this post – I’m going to bitch about something that just happened not even an hour ago and just boggled my mind.

I’m helping our Hutt group find a tank, and their best option is a bear.  Browsing WoWLemmings, I find a likely candidate.  He checks out in a cursory background check, and fortunately he lists his real id.  I add him, and a few minutes later he pops up and says hello.  We engage in a witty banter, and I ask to see his armory.  Herein is a reenactment of our conversation:

Me:  So what’s your toon’s name so I can creep on your armory.
Bear:  I’ll save you the trouble, I’m not raid-ready.
Me: …didn’t you post on the recruiting forums that you’re looking for a raiding guild?
Bear:  I was, but now I’m guilded.

WHAT?  So you get a real id request from me that spells out “4/16H 10m horde lf bear” and you accept the damn invite and engage me in conversation about recruiting and then out of nowhere are just like “I’m not looking for a raiding guild.  I have one.  Plus my gear sucks and your 4/16 HEROIC raid group would never want me.”  What the hell????  Why did you even accept my real id request?  If you were just trying to be nice, you could’ve been like “Hey, just wanted to let you know I found a guild, thanks for the interest” not “blahblahblah talk for 10 minutes about bear tanking and then say I have a guild so piss off.”

And in that time I could have been scouting out more potentials.  Thanks a lot, dumbass.

Bitch Plz (or, How You Can’t Outcreep This Creeper)

Alright guys, so I’m going to take a time out from cooking my midnight second supper of scrambled eggs, turkey sausage, and chocolate chip cookies to make my first official “Memoirs of a Guild Master” post. Because not too long ago, my friends, I had one of those encounters in game that was just the epitome of whatthefuckery.

About two weeks ago, our Sith raid group decided to just up and leave the guild. Okay, whatever, if you feel like we’re not providing you the environment you need to succeed and be happy, that’s fine – I just want you to be an adult about it and preferably talk to me. This is pretty much a story in its own right (I’ll have a later post, Insurrections And How I Put Down Traitorous Bitches, dedicated to it) but to cut it short, they all /gquit mid day after looting the guild bank. Super fucking classy, right?

They all wound up joining the guild of a hunter they’d been trying to recruit to our guild. Today, out of nowhere, I got a message from that GM from his alt – telling me that he was sorry he believed the lies they were spreading about me, and now he realized how scummy they really were and he’d gotten rid of them. Now, you guys know there’s nothing that invigorates me more than learning misfortune has fallen someone I feel has wronged me. Sometimes I even get a kick out of helping this along by talking about them to new guilds they attempt to join. Woot! But this… this is not even the story that prompted this specific Memoir post.

No… it’s what happened afterwards. See, I wound up joining that GM in his vent so he could fill me in on what had happened to make him give those guys the boot. And part of the story was that they’d said some really rude things to his wife, who was raiding with them. I sympathized, we chuckled and bonded at over how bad they were, and I departed on my merry way. About an hour later, a random person in dude’s guild messaged me to ask if I had him on real id and if he was online. I /who’d the guild and saw he was still on his alt, so shot him a message to tell him so-and-so was looking for him, and responded to the random person with “Aren’t you in his guild?”

Yeah, so dude messages me back with “That’s my wife. She saw me in vent with another woman and is suspicious.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

I immediately responded with a “lol, that’s some shit I ain’t getting involved in,” to which he retorted “she’s protective. Just tell her the truth.”

Okay, guy. Your wife is sneaking around your back quizzing me to see if we might have kindled some sort of relationship in the 5 minutes we commiserated about fail players together, and 1) you think it’s cute and 2) you either haven’t eased her fears by explaining what happened or 3) your relationship isn’t trusting enough for her to believe you.

Seriously. This is the kind of shit I get. So I messaged wifey-poo back with something along the lines of “Aren’t you dude’s wife? Don’t think I’m creepin on your hubby, we were just chatting about asshole’s actions in our guilds. I never even talked to him before today and I certainly haven’t real id’d a stranger… not to mention I’m happily married,” and she tried to play it off like she wanted to ask me about what happened and she just didn’t know if I was the person he’d been talking to. Meanwhile dude is telling me that his wife is just insecure and needs to be reassured he’s not having an illicit relationship with another female guild master. And she had no idea he was trying to feed me stuff to say to her.

Guys, I could not make up this shit if I tried. I am starting to think that me and Canadian Bacon have the only normal relationship of any gamers I know. You know what happens when he’s talking to someone in vent and I don’t know who it is? I look over at his screen at the name, punch his shoulder and say “Hey, who’s that?” Sometimes I might even go so far as to jump in vent and get involved in the conversation. And you can be damned sure I’ve never tried some weird convoluted games like messaging the person he was just talking to ask if he’s on their real id because I’m trying to find him when he’s still logged onto his damn toon in the guild with me. Good lord.

Warcraft… Friday?

Okay, okay, so I’ve been slacking.  On Wednesday I actually started writing another “Momma’s Kitchen Makeover” post instead of the scheduled “Warcraft Wednesday,” but then I got EXTRA pissed off at staining the cabinets and said screw it.  Heather and I are going to be doing a lot of work on that tomorrow, so I should have a thorough (and happy) update in that area by next week.  Anyway, that totally threw me out of my writing groove and this weekly update got pushed aside.  Shoot me.
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wow-iversary: 10 things i hate about azeroth

Last time I talked about things I loved in Azeroth; now it’s time to rant!

  1. Pansies who want you to give them shit.  Okay, people.  WoW is not real life.  There is no 14% unemployment rate.  There is NO reason why you can’t go learn a damn profession and sell your shit to make your own money.  If you’re just starting the game, okay, you can have a little leeway – but seriously, I’ve raided with people who are all “qq I can’t afford the 100g for my repairs and my pots.”  At our level you should be self-sufficient.  Suck it up, do a couple of dailies, and quit your bitching!  I earned my gold – go earn yours or buy that shit from a gold farmer!
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wow-iversary: 10 things i love about azeroth

  1. What’s your favorite class?
    I absolutely adore death knights.  My first toon was a hunter, and I got so bored playing it so fast.  It didn’t have the firepower+survivability that I desired (of course, now that I’m not a noob, I’m sure I could be much more effective…).  I started playing a death knight shortly after that and I fell in love with the leaving Acherus quest chain.  Death knights are SO COOL!  I enjoy the lore, I like the animations and graphic effects, and let’s face it, their skills and talents are just badass.
  2. What’s your favorite race?
    Like most girls, my first toon was pretty – I made a blood elf hunter.  Then I made a blood elf death knight.  Then I realized, wtf?  Belfs are useless unless you’re a caster!  Sure, the arcane torrent was nice for an additional silence, but my belf had absolutely nothing else beneficial other than her very pretty ass.  My mom’s priest was a troll and I really liked that race, so the next hunter I made was a troll.  I couldn’t bring myself to race change my dk to an orc – I can’t stand how orcs look, even though the racials are so pro for dks – so when goblins were released in Cata and were viable, that’s what Shamaroth became.  I’ve since fallen in love with them!  Goblins are ADORABLE, the 1% passive haste is pro, and many a time now the rocket jump has saved my ass.  Access your bank anywhere?  Yes please.  Goblins are amazing and I tend to play them and trolls half-and-half.  My only belf nowdays is a noob pally.
  3. Who’s your favorite NPC?
    Located in Acherus – the death knight Siouxsie the Banshee.  Cracks me up.  I love all the little pop culture references – I also like Death Guards Moulder and Skully (aren’t they somewhere in Dragonblight?)
  4. What’s your favorite dungeon?
    Shadowfang Keep all the way.  I can’t even really explain why, I just enjoy the dungeon in its entirety.  I like the mobs, the scenery, etc.  It’s not as beautiful as, say, Throne of the Tides or Vortex Pinnacle, but I like it even more all the same.
  5. Which companion pet is your favorite?
    Last year for Christmas, my bff gave me the Moonkin Hatchling, which is only available for purchase through the cash shop.  It’s so damn cute and I love the moonkin dance, so this is a clear win.  Now I don’t have to have a druid around to /dance with me, my little critter’ll do it too!
  6. What’s your favorite quest/quest chain?
    WITHOUT QUESTION, GNOMEBLITERATION in Uldum.  Basically, you turn into a giant freakin sun, and you roll around smashing gnomes.  They’re everywhere and they get fried to a crisp and you see little gnome limbs sticking out of you.  You can roll around and around and the quest doesn’t end once you kill the requisite amount (which I think is 1,000).  I can’t stand gnomes and I looooove this quest.  I love it so much that I unlocked it on the priest and never completed it, so when I’ve had a rough day I can go do it again to cheer me up.
  7. What’s your favorite emote?
    I like /dance, even though it’s not obscure or anything.  It’s really cool how much detail Blizz put into all the different racial dances, and I like all the pop culture references.  I’m particularly pleased that my lil goblin death knight gets down and dirty to “Single Ladies.”
  8. Horde or Alliance?
    For me there was never any question about what to play – my mom had played WoW for years as a troll priest, and so it was a given that I would also play Horde (or my mother would kill me).  I’ve come to believe that I would have played Horde on my own, anyway.  The races are so much cooler – goblins, trolls, orcs, tauren, blood elves, and forsaken.  Now, I’ve gone on a tour of Stormwind, and while that city is pretty rockin’, I still enjoy the Horde homes best.  Undercity is a labyrinth I still get lost in; Silvermoon is absolutely beautiful; Thunder Bluff is so cool perched up on the cliffs; and Orgrimmar has a little bit of every faction nestled in it.  Plus the fact that it’s built into canyons as a natural defense system is really cool.  And have you ever been to Gallywix’s Pleasure Palace in Azshara?  If not, you are totally missing out.
  9. Where’s your favorite place?
    I hang out the most in cow town in Orgrimmar just because everything is so close and convenient.  I think Zangarmarsh in Outlands is beautiful, and it makes me think of the mushpoie area in FlyFF.  Again, Gallywix’s Pleasure Palace is BADASS.  I just discovered that today, thanks to a friend, and I can see myself hanging out there in the future just because it’s so cool.  I’m also particularly fond of Acherus since it’s a dk-only area.  In Dalaran, I like hanging out in The Filthy Animal (Horde inn) and also on the sewer grate back there.  It was my hangout spot pre-Cata.
  10. Do you have a best WoW memory?
    Most major boss kills are etched into my brain.  I was really happy when I logged onto vent one day, and a bunch of my friends were like “Sham, we need to leave this guild and make our own,” because I’d been thinking it for so long and everyone else had also come to the same conclusion.  For the “Love is in the Air Festival,” Darren and I made Sham and Rae ride the loveboats in Undercity; that was cute.  I about died when we were killing Alysra for the first time and Nik suddenly came on vent with “my dog just puked on my foot!!  Dispel this shit!!”  Yeah… the boss kills are always spectacular, because you work so hard and so long for a goal and then BAM you’re there and everyone’s screaming at once.  It’s always fun.

Post your favorite screenshot.

Taken today at Gallywix’s Pleasure Palace… Sham was knocking back some rum and chilling on a pool pony:

wow-iversary: observations on other girl gamers

It’s almost my one-year WoW-iversary (read: one year since I started playing World of Warcraft), and in celebration I am posting a series of articles concerning things I’ve learned over the past twelve months.  These posts will chronicle my transformation from complete and total noob to hardcore raider and leader of my server’s top-ranked Horde guild.

Today’s topic: observations on other girl gamers.  I’ve known from prior gaming experience that girls who game run the gamut from epic slut to epic dps, but playing WoW has really shown me women gaming in all their glory.  The now-defunct Daedalus Project estimated that WoW has a female population of 16%; that means about one out of every six members on your guild roster is a female.  I’m fortunate enough to raid with three other women, bringing our ten-man to a 40%/60% girl/guy ratio, but I’m aware that is far from the norm.  Still, my interactions with other girls in WoW this past year have shown me that there are four very strong archetypes running through Azeroth.

photo by Anchors, Bonechewer-US

A whole line of e-whores!

The E-whore

She plays to flirt.  She destroys both in-game and real-life relationships with false promises.  She doesn’t care about toon and class, but plays what she thinks is the “prettiest” (and is always the least functional).  She gets a ton of free gear and money from the guys, and who knows what she’s trading for it.  She wants to Skype, and she posts forum pictures of herself that were taken with a cellphone, angled down, and always show cleavage and a sultry little pout.  She talks a big talk but is an epic fail.

The Support
he only rolls healers or other support classes.  She’s too afraid to stand on her own as a tank, dps, or other role.  She likes to hide in the background but still be an integral part of the team.  If you try to correct her, she gets huffy and defensive, and snaps back “you do my job if you think it’s so easy!” or “if you don’t stop bitching I’m going to let you die!”  She’s unreliable but during non-raid time she’s so sweet that the guys don’t want to get rid of her.  She gets carried.

The Overcompensator
She’s terrified that she’s going to mess up, so she studies every encounter before it happens and is always the first out of the fire.  Even though she’s hyper-aware, her dps suffers because she can’t multitask.  She won’t tank because she’ll “get everyone killed,” and she won’t heal unless she’s part of a team (so she can blend in if she messes up).  She won’t speak up because she’s afraid of sounding like an idiot, but she’s not a bad girl to have around as long as she can work with everyone else and remain invisible.

The Guy
She might play a male toon, and her name might be ambiguous.  Unless she trusts you, she won’t let you know that she’s got a vagina.  She’s in it to play and to win.  She tries to be successful but she often has scorn for other girls (especially the e-whore), which can lead to inner-group conflict.  She’s not afraid to speak up and to look stupid as long as it will make the raid progress.  She can deal with some friendly ribbing (but she’ll still get offended if you treat her like a guy, because she’s a girl, dammit).  You want to play with her, because she’s as good as the guys (and let’s face it, the majority of girls play at a lower skill level) but she doesn’t feel the need to always show her e-peen.

photo by Shamaroth, Undermine-US

Blood elves are terrible death knights, sissy!


But not every girl fits into a single role constantly.  The thing about being a girl that you’re more fluid, more changeable.  I’ve been all of those things at different periods of time (although my boobs are NOT plastered on any forums, thank you), though of course I think I tend to gravitate towards “the guy” persona.  These roles can also be viewed as the natural progression of girls through gaming; most tend to start at the top and work their way to the bottom as they get more involved in the game.